!! Dog boots are an easy way !!

to ensure the success of a new reality television effort, and Paris Hilton was clever enough to realize this before dressing her chihuahua, Tinkerbell, for the first episode of her new show, The Simple Life. Another smart strategy is to air the show two times per week in half hour segments, making us rush home to watch or tape a meager twenty-one minutes of television each day just to satisfy the curious urge to watch this tiny, sparkling piece of genius.
There is so much I want to say, so much praise I want to heap upon the two intrepid stars, so I will do it a little systematically. First of all, I love how they say “f*ck” all the time. Primetime definitely needs some dirty language, and Nicole Richie especially is not afraid to deliver. One of the high points of last night’s episode was when the two girls were working at the dairy farm and the farmer asked Nicole to “talk harshly to the cows” to get them to the feeding troughs. “Hurry up motherf*ckers!! Move your dirty asses!!” was along the lines of what she shouted, and farmer Danny seemed to be taken a little aback.
Appealing point number two is definitely

the cute youngest son that chases Tinkerbell around the house, makes her lunch, and forces her down the kiddy slide, all with an adorable Arkansanian accent. What fun! While I’m on the subject of the children, the oldest son is H-O-T and hopefully Nicole’s suggestion at the end of Tuesday’s episode will be at least halfheartedly considered (Paris: He’s cute. Nicole: Yeah, he’s sweet. We should have a threesome with him. HAHAHAHA).
Next week they work at Sonic Burger and spell out dirty butt-related messages on the marquis under the sign. I can’t wait!
You can all imagine my pleasure at coming home last night after the Howard Dean Meetup to watch all my favorite shows that were waiting for me with marked commercials on a tape. After The Simple Life I got to watch the Holiday episode of The OC. I should start off by saying that Seth looked so good this entire episode that even if Marissa hadn’t been shoplifting and getting drunk by herself in the bathroom and being Bad the entire episode, I still would have been enraptured.
Poor Marissa. She just wants to escape the pain of her parents divorce and the special stress that the holidays bring, and everyone keeps judging her and trying to send her to a therapist, which eventually happened at the end of last night’s episode. And as if going to the therapist wasn’t embarassing enough for the most popular girl in school, she has to talk to this weird, almost cute guy that creepily probes her personality in the five minutes before her appointment. I sense a potential love interest developing, which is entirely possible considering that Ryan isn’t so cute himself and he used to be poor.
Last week the promise was that this episode Seth would finally choose between Summer and Anna, and I guess he did, sort of. He told both of them that he just wanted to be friends (after they both gave him great Christmas presents. Anna made him a comic book and Summer dressed up like Wonder Woman!), and I can think of no reason other than that he is gay. Affirming that new, if sometimes difficult, but ultimately rewarding, lifestyle would be a great New Year’s Resolution for him in my opinion.

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2 Comments on "Dog boots are an easy way"

  1. i am right now listening to Iris DeMent’s "Our Town" while quite audibly chuckling at your post.
    oh wait – now it’s Dolly and Vince.
    anyway, you’re fucking hilarious.

  2. While watching last nights episode of The O.C I came to the conclusion that Marissa sucks, both as a character and as an actress. I am always bored to death when the plot relates to her and Ryan, they both have overly dramatic and completely not believable problems. Janine and I agreed: she is no Brenda Walsh, nor is she a Kelly, not even a Donna, she isnt even an Andrea! Shes just a sour faced whiner and I wish she had died in Mexico.

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