!! Outrage! (slightly delayed) !!

A great injustice was done Tuesday night when Brandon and Nicole were not eliminated from The Amazing Race. The dating Christian models (though really Nicole is not a model, just a winner of a local beauty pageant) have consistently shown themselves to be racist, self-righteous whiners, but Tuesday they demonstrated yet another unappealing characteristic: misguided vanity.
brandonandgirl (53k image)
After not being able to successfully make more than one mud brick using traditional Indian methods, Brandon became frustrated and convinced Nicole to go backwards to find the Fast Forward (for those not in the know, a Fast Forward allows a team to skip all tasks and proceed directly to the finish, but only if they complete the required task). For this particular Fast Forward, the task was to participate in a traditional Hindu ritual that required both team members to shave their heads. Of course as they ran desperately backward, I was squirming with delight at the idea of either of them having to shave their heads and what a catastrophic dilemma it would be for both of them.
When confronted with the possibility,

Nicole started to mumble something and Brandon immediately came to her rescue saying, “It’s okay, baby. We don’t have to do it,” and then later to the camera, “there was no way I was going to let them shave off Nicky’s beautiful hair.” Nicole’s reflections afterwards revealed a level of introspection we had not previously seen from her, “There was just no way. I mean, we’re models. Our hair is very important.” Actually, as I noted earlier, Nicole isn’t really a model, and it was obviously Brandon who didn’t want to shave off his long, flowing curls.

Fortunately for the two of them, Jesus was looking out for them because even though they arrived at the pit stop several hours after the other teams, it turned out to be a non-elimination round and their only punishment is starting the next round with no money, which Nicole can surely remedy with a little shameless flirting (God willing). As Brandon said, “The Lord wants us to stay in the game.” I think the Lord may be alone in that desire, since I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t love to see Brandon and Nicole suffer humiliating defeat, or at least say a swear word.

Perhaps we’ll hear Nicole say one when she sees the above photo of Brandon cavorting with a topless model (from the new Point Zero ad campaign that is polluting our city’s bus stops. They have the worst website ever, too. Damned Canadians). No, that girl is not Nicole in case you were wondering. What I have to wonder is whether Brandon has ever felt his girlfriend’s naked breasts pressed against his torso, or whether that is just something he does at work.

In more timely news, the detention center on Pier 57 where they are holding arrested protestors may have asbestos and people are leaving covered in skin rashes and black soot. Three cheers for the police department watching out for public safety!

» share:

7 Comments on "Outrage! (slightly delayed)"

  1. Brandon and Nicole might be "dating", but she’s strictly a beard for him. Watch their pre-show interview and they tell us that they haven’t had sex and won’t until marriage. Right! He’s as queer as I am, and my guess is … a tight ass bottom. I’d do him if he promised not to scream "Oh God, OH GOD" all night.

  2. I tried to watch it once, but all the characters were so horrible that I just wanted all of them to be eliminated. Is that a possible outcome, for the reward not to be given at all?

  3. Do you watch Big Brother as well?

  4. but don’t you want to lick that nipple?

  5. Definitely the Moms and Chip and Kim are the only teams deserving of victory. I kind of wish that the Twins had shaved their heads so they would look even more like aliens than they already do.

  6. It’s not just any kind of Canadians responsible for the Point Zero website….it’s really just part of the dirty, French slut thing that has riddled Quebec for years. But give them a break–they’re too busy having sex and listening to electronic musique to think about design.

  7. I’m with you on this one. I can’t stand the dating christians. But even more than them, I hate colin. He’s so mean, cocky, and an idiot! I think I’m rooting for the moms and for Chip and Kim. Chip and Kim because they’re so nice to everyone and because they seem to really appreciate the opportunity to see the world.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.