!! Red alert! !!

Everyone knows that teens who kiss in the reclining position are more likely to have sex than those who don’t, and despite their nerdiness, Seth and Anna are well on their way to awkwardly shedding their virginities together, that is unless Summer steals Seth’s away first. On last night’s episode of The OC, there was a lot of kissing going on amidst many surprises. After going to the new year’s party by herself, Anna gets depressed and goes over to Seth’s house, hopefully against her better judgement, but she probably didn’t think about it that hard. Ryan spends most of the night locked in the poolhouse with Seth, after Seth’s crazy aunt Haley shuts them in there as punishment for trying to shut down the crazy party she threw at their house. The homosexual tension was so thick that you could put a cockring around it, and I really thought at one point that midnight was going to come and they would only have each other. But alas, Haley lets them out after these rich girls she owes drug money to show up at the party with the intent of beating her up.
Ryan helps break up the party and hurries over to the new year’s party where Marissa is all alone and on the verge of making out with Oliver, the creepy guy she met at therapy. I know Ryan and Marissa get a lot of flack, but when Ryan burst through the door at 11:59:57 and took Marissa into his arms, I emitted a breathy little sigh, only to be followed by an astonished shout when the scene cuts to Seth and Anna making out on his bed before the episode ends. My friend Kristen’s reaction was “Wait! Did he stick his penis in her?” and I think that encompasses our collective reaction. As for Sandy and Kirsten, after going to a swingers party and not even swinging, we definitely know what got stuck where, and as usual it bores me so much to think about that I’m almost not completely grossed out by it, but I still am.
But now what am I going to do with three weeks before the next episode? I guess I’ll go home and experience family togetherness, continue watching The Simple Life, which I have to admit wasn’t that great last night, especially when Nicole was fake crying about her dead cat, and looking forward to an exciting new year’s eve of my own. The future is so bright, so full of possibilities, and it makes me feel good just to know that I am not Dean Kamen, inventor of the Segway HT(TM), who’s new year’s resolution will hopefully be to stop being such a failure.

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