Now that Paradise Hotel only has six guests remaining, we can’t help but notice that the three pretty girls are now left to vie for the ULTIMATE PRIZE with the help of their hapless male partners. Last night it appeared as though the men were doing all the strategizing, but in fact their efforts were meaningless and only succeeded in humiliating Dave after he was caught in a web of lies. Ultimately, the girls are controlling the outcome, even if it is Keith, and not Tara, that gets to decide which of the three couples is leaving Paradise next week. The other two couples gave Keith this awesome power last night after a lot of partner flip-flopping in exotic locales and a few fights. Notable among the encounters was that of Keith and Holly in the swimming pool at night, her enormous breasts bobbing up and down in the clear, crystal waters while Keith was sitting across from her with his enormous breasts bobbing up and down in the clear, crystal waters. It was a like a mirror, with deeply tanned skin, glossy black hair, ample cleavage, and eyes with a very dim light of comprehension staring back at each other, suggesting a conjoined identity beneath the dark, reflective surface of the pool. Then the yelling started, and it was all about Dave, lies, honesty, integrity, character, blah blah blah, but they were both Narcissus, staring with lust at his own reflection in the water and trying to hold himself back from diving to his death. And death it would be, for Tara would be so mad! Not only is she prettier and more intelligent than Holly, she also wears way better clothes and makeup.
So for next episode (which happens to be the exciting two-hour series finale!) the prediction is that Keith will send Scott and Holly packing, because he can’t send Charla home even if Dave has been rubbing everyone the wrong way. Again, Tara would be so mad if he did. That leaves Keith, Tara, Charla, and Dave as the final four. The lovely and British Amanda Byram will certainly throw out some wacky twists that will elude all our expectations and make us giggle with surprise and delight, and I foresee some more partner switching on the horizon. Perhaps, as Margaret mused, the only way to win the ULTIMATE PRIZE is
to switch partners. Perhaps they will think they have to switch partners and then they really won’t! OR, and this is my personal favorite, perhaps Tara and Charla will somehow get to be partners and leave the boys alone to bicker about character and integrity while they are off getting EVEN MORE TAN somewhere EVEN MORE EXOTIC AND EXPENSIVE AND EXCLUSIVE than Paradise Hotel (oops, did I just give away the ULTIMATE PRIZE?). And then they can pose for Playboy like Heidi and Jenna, if Tara can convince Charla, who wouldn’t even wear a bikini the entire time she was in Paradise (can she say “farmer’s tan?”), to loosen up a little.
Oh I almost forgot to talk about how Amy was eliminated at the beginning of last night’s episode. After Beau left last week, she was left all alone and everyone just pretended to be nice to her to avoid awkwardness, and so she was the obvious one to go tonight. Leave it to Amy to try and create a little drama and suspense till the very end, when there were all these voiceovers of her saying “I think there are a few more twists in store” right before Keith made the easy decision to keep Tara as his partner and send Amy packing. But the most important thing in the whole world is that Amy loves Zack, and there could be no more ULTIMATE of a PRIZE than that. I’ll bet she can’t wait to get back to Arizona, where he’s sure to be waiting with a six pack and a calloused hand. Ah, true love.