!! ‘Crash’ to be re-released in theaters !!

Ten years after its initial release, David Cronenberg‘s Crash is being re-released in theaters thanks to its recent Oscar win. Why wasn’t it nominated in 1996? Maybe because there was too much sex and dismemberment for the taste of the Academy, but times have changed, and I am certainly glad.
And please let me address those critics who say this movie is just a humorless and trite piece of garbage that panders to black people and guilty American liberals and thus did not deserve the Best Picture Oscar over Brokeback Mountain:
Have you even seen this movie? There aren’t any black people in it! Just James Spader and Holly Hunter doing it in a car!
Wait, hold on… I have to get the phone. Okay I’m back. That was my best friend. Apparently I was confused by the fact that director Paul Haggis chose a name for his movie that is already the name of another movie.
I retract my protest and stand with the critics. Haggis’s Crash (2006) is the most hollow and obvious thing to come out of Hollywood since [insert title of any Mel Gibson movie here]. To call it cynical would be giving its writers too much credit, as they are obviously, based on their Oscar acceptance speech, quite proud of what I’m sure they consider to be a poignant and sincere critique of race relations. Not only was Brokeback Mountain more deserving of the Best Picture Award, but so was Capote; and though I didn’t see them, I’m sure Good Night and Good Luck and Munich were as well.
I’m actually appalled that Crash was even nominated. There should be a rule that prevents any movie starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Phillippe from even being talked about at the Oscars.