!! I am afraid of the Claymates !!

In the aftermath of the revelation that Clay Aiken allegedly barebacked former green beret/current porn star John Paulus in a hotel room for 90 minutes, Clay’s fans have gone from being in denial to being hot on the trail of a conspiracy. Many of the “Claymates” fancy themselves private investigators and have gone to great lengths (see above diagram) to prove that Clay would never stick his unprotected penis in another man’s rectum. (via Faded Youth)
I personally could never figure out America’s fascination with the American Idol runner-up. My theory currently is that young women like him because he poses no sexual threat and is therefore a suitable object of desire for virgins, and older women like him because he sort of looks like them. That’s the best I can do. Feel free to offer your own theories in comments.