That there splayed on the floor is Crookshanks Butter Ball, the fatty cat who lives with Elisabeth Ball. By Ball’s own description, Crookshanks’ only A-list quality is her looks. “All she has is her looks, really, because her personality is like a science experiment,” Ball writes on Review of My Cat, a tumblr where owners evaluate their furry companions. “A skin condition could downgrade her to a B, but we ignore that and pretend that she leaves tiny snowflakes of joy wherever she lumbers.” Each cat is evaluated on the same criteria: Appearance, Sociability, Usefulness, and Huggability (“Let us clarify: she HATES being hugged, but she is oh so huggable, with her pudding abdomen and her soft white bib. We just have to grab ‘er and squeeze.”). So what’s Crookshanks’ overall score? A fatty, fatty D. Poor thing.
Monstrous. That kitty is at least a B-. She looks sweet and eminently squeezable.
Crookshanks is adorable. There is no such thing as a “D” cat. They’re all cute, cuddly and adorable.