I was recently watching Kirk Cameron on public access and was almost tempted to forsake my manloving ways in order to become a scary Christian lunatic. (Those Camerons can be so persuasive, right???) But just as I was about to give myself eternally to Christ, I remembered the one suckiest thing about Christianity: Jesus hates cute dogs and catties! In fact when the Rapture comes, even the most Christlike of pets are going to be left behind. Really, Frank, how much fun will Paradise be if you’re worried about who’s feeding poor little Andy?
Well luckily for our Jesusy friends, a nice group of atheists has gotten together to make sure that the world’s abandoned Christian pets will be cared for when their owners are partying with Christ post-apocalypse-style. Quoth Earthbound-Pets:
You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.
We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.
And they’ll only charge $110 for it– a bargain if you consider how expensive Fancy Feast is sure to be come the Judgment Day. Thank God for the Left Behind! (I wonder if they’re hiring?)
(Thanks to Daniel for the tip!)