You know how you have those snooty know-it-all friends who live in New York and Los Angeles and they’re always going on and on about how every celebrity is gay and they know for sure because they have some friend who went home with him once? I know, I know! I am one of those people, and I’m still sick of it. (I know this guy who… oh, never mind.)
With all the gossip flying around, how’s a guy to know if George Clooney might accept your marriage proposal? Unless we accept the (maybe not-so-implausible?) premise that every male celebrity is at least a little freaky-deaky, it can be difficult to unravel the complicated web of gay rumors that follow basically every actor ever to grace even the teensiest screen. Luckily, Gawker has a handy guide to cutting right to the chase. While I might quibble with a few of their guidelines, it’s basically totally right on. No spoilers here, though– if you’re desperate for a semi-failproof litmus test for knowing whether “certain scientologists” are total homos, you’ll have to click over to Gawker.