With Toronto Pride already in full swing, we’re thrilled to bring you a special Q&A between singer/songwriter/performance artist/force of nature CHRISTEENE and diva duo Produzentin (below left) and Mary Messhausen (below right), proprietresses of the iconic queer party Hotnuts, where CHRISTEENE’s summer tour will kick off tomorrow night!
If you don’t already know CHRISTEENE:
CHRISTEENE is a sexually infused sewer of live rap and vile shamelessness, capable of adapting amazingly well to all styles of music. It is noted that CHRISTEENE commands a stage presence of furious intensity accompanied by a strict regiment of hardcore dance and destructive choreography.
Now onto the “INNERVIEW”…
CHRISTEENE: Merry Chrizzmusss, Bonjourrrr! Comment ça va?
Mary Messhausen: Tres Bien, Merci!
C: Wuz goin on? Im at uh friendz house and she let me talk on dis machine, yall. Dis is crazy.
MM: You’re talking into the crazy box.
After the jump you will find the full interview, the kinda NSFW video for “African Mayonnaise,” summer tour dates and album purchase information!
In “African Mayonnaise,” the 6th installment of the CHRISTEENE Video Collection, Celebrity gets F*cked. It’s a raw statement about the shit you’re being served up on the celebrity social platter. Eat it tha f*ck up.
Produzentin: Can we start by chatting about your song “African Mayonnaise,” which is available as a freebie from !! omg blog !!?
C: African Mayonnaise iz always da one dat kick people hardest. Izz da one dat will make you want tooo hit da puss. Just shove it up in there. Everyone likes da Mayonnaise. It will kick your shit out. It will f*ck you up.
MM: That’s what we need.
Yea I need it. Everrbody need it right now. People gettin lazy.
MM: In the African Mayonnaise video, there is that great scene with the security lez on the Segway. She tells you to get out of the mall. Did you become friends with her afterwards?
Oh no, they didnt like us. Derr was not only one lez – derr were about 5 of them lezzes. We were runnin around da food court when they came out. They chased us an built uh wall around us. They told us we had to shut up and get out so we took our time and finished our song and then we got da f*ck out. When we got down da escalator there wuz more security waitin and dey rolled us out da front door.
P: Like a reverse red carpet?
It wuz tragic.
MM: A brown carpet.
Derr was this boy who wurked at Chick-Fil-A. He left his post at Chick-Fil-A and chased us to da front door. I think he got fired. We have it on camera but we didn’t put it in da video. Da security guy looked at him and yelled: “Chick-Fil-A, Chick-Fil-A – get back to work.” We fuggin loved it.
P: One of the songs on the album is called “Tropical Abortion” where you sing: “Sailing that coast / Going to drop some toast in the ocean / It’s a tropical abortion”. What’s up with that toast?
I been talkin ta friendz and people in da street a lot. You know when you buy tooo much bread? When you buy a loaf uh bread and you don’t realize you got two loafs in ur box at home? Da temperature in da house makes them warm and moldy. An you brang morrre toast home and you git lots uh toast.
Well some people have da toast on da inside. Da song is about when you need to git rid of da toast. Dis toast in da song is some person that iz bad ferr you. They are not doing you riyeet. You over qualified for taking care of that toast. So you gonna drop dat toast in da water and git back to whoo you are. When da toast hits da water, it go soft and gets eaten by da fish, it feed da babies. I want u tooo forget all about da crap an the nasty toast in yerr box at home. Izz a freedom song.
P: Will “Tropical Abortion” get a video?
Yes it will. PJ Raval is da director of all the videos and we’re going to do videos for all the songs on the album. Recently I went on a trip to tha Caribbean with PJ and some friends. They told me too go swimmin. PJ and crew shot me under water with the fish while they put pieces of toast in the ocean. The fish almost ate off my face. Tha water was blue and clear and these tropical fish tried to eat me.
MM: Everyone wants to eat you, honey.
Yeah I know – I need to get a dental dam.
P: That must feel nice when all the tiny fish nibble on you.
Oh noooo – it scared da shit out of me.
MM: PJ mentioned that you might shoot something in Toronto. Any plans for that?
Yes, whenever we travel, PJ likes to take his camera and we just walk around and get to know y’alls place. When we were in Paris, we walked around all day and night and we got to know the city very well. I wanna do that in Toronto.
P: We can show you all the hot corners.
MM: The back alleys.
I wanna see everything. I wanna go too where da families are, where they hidin the babies in the strollers. I wanna go wrecking all up in that shit.
P: Dem babies need to be taught early.
They need to be spanked early. No body spanks therr babies any more. All them babies are rotten.
P: You have already shot videos for your songs “Tears from my Pussy” and “Fix My Dick”. Do you have both?
I sang about everybodys business. I think we all got business. Y’all got pussies in your butthole. For some people their mouth is their pussy. They all talk to me and I like to get them some time to speak.
P: All the organs talk to you?
Everything, da buh hole, da pussaay, Oprah Angelz, puppies. I luv puppies.
P: Speaking of the “Oprah Angelz”, which is an almost prayer like a cappella song on your album. Has Oprah been in touch since it got released?
I sing out to her sometimes on da shows, she make me feel good. She’s having trouble I hear, she loosin a lotta money. So she dont have time ferr CHRISTEENE riyeet now.
P: What’s your favourite position?
Mmmmh? What you mean?
MM: In your bedroom.
I don’t have a bedroom.
MM: In the gutter, under the bridge?
I don’t know – dats crazy talk. I don’t know what da f*ck you talkin about.
MM: Is this your first time in Canada?
MM: Oh shit CHRISTEENE! We’ll give you an extra special Canadian treatment then.
I want da full high colonic queer-core enema.
MM: Laced with maple syrup.
Y’all got nuggets up in yerr stew dat is crazy. I’m goin to cum in and tap in on your dirty, dark crystal. I’m gonna plug my nay nay up in your crazy shit. Y’all got history in that dirty hole.
P: Have you ever had the French-Canadian delicacy Poutine?
Pooootine? Wuz Poooootine?
MM: French fries with cheese curds and gravy on top.
Mmh! Can we have dat when I cum tooo Toronto?
MM: We will have it every day.
I might write a song called Poootine! I might start callin somethin my Pooootine. I wanna a Poootine. I bet I git in some kind of position if you get me some Poootine. I be laying on the floor with da Poootine between my toes.
P: You never know what Santa is going to bring for Christmas. He might just bring a big sack full of Poutine.
You don’t know whut CHRISTEENE is going to brang ferr Chrissmuzz! If I can bring dat surprise on the airplane I’m brangin it.
MM: It sounds like you’re just as excited as we are for Christmas! What can we expect?
C: Yez, I am, y’all are crazy. Chrissmuzz is my favourite. I am born on Chrissmuzz Day. I like when people are ready for everything. I like to brang it raw. You gonna get real raw shit from Austin, Texas. Y’all gunna git a big azz fuggin BBQ from Austin, Texas on da stank fuggin Canada grill. Brang some bips, napkins and a towel. I’m excited tooo see ya’ll proper.
M & P: We’re excited to have you!
CHRISTEENE Tour Dates
June 30 – Toronto – Hotnuts Christmas with CHRISTEENE
July 13 – Los Angeles – Trannyshack presents the CHRISTEENE
July 20 – Denver – Denver Film Society presents Film on the Rocks w/ CHRISTEENE
August 3 – Vancouver – CHRISTEENE album release
August 15 – P Town – FAG BASH presents CHRISTEENE during Carnival Week
August 31 – New Orleans – Bearracuda / CHRISTEENE ALBUM RELEASE for Southern Decadence
Buy CHRISTEENE’s debut album ‘Waste Up, Kneez Down’ on iTunes Canada, iTunes US, and CD Baby
TORONTO FANS: Come out tonight for a special screening of the complete CHRISTEENE video collection and Q&A with CHRISTEENE and director PJ Raval.