Based on the response to this morning’s post, I think it’s safe to make one assumption: gays go ga-ga for Golden Girls! The frothing-at-the-mouth religious fanatic lunatics at Christwire* certainly agree— and they’re none to happy about the homosexualizing influence these four gay (as in happy!) old ladies have had on the youth of America over the past 25+ years:
It was only to be expected that our lonely boys exposed to these conflicted times would succumb to the nagging Golden Girls agenda. These were slender, unathletic children who were left out of the fun militarism of the Reagan years. Skyrocketing divorce rates ruined their faith in traditional relationships. Rock groups like Duran Duran and Styx encouraged big hair and overactive libidos. The show lit a match which enflamed their intense physical urges. With the utmost cruelty and immorality, The Golden Girls seized upon this opportunity to cross the hormonal wires of America’s lost generation.
The results were disastrous. Our horny, lonely boys sought out intimate comforts with likeminded Golden Girls addicts who didn’t mind each other’s theatrical voices and touch-feely hand gestures. Together, these clusters of awkward teens and twentysomethings bonded over their favorite episodes and characters, mimicking the voices and gowns of their tv friends. When the rush of cheesecake and gabfests wore thin, these hairless boys needed a harder thrill. They were so desperate for the next big trend they turned to same-sex sexual experimentation. What woman would have them now, anyway? This led to the worse excesses of early homosexual visibility- the most enormous of drag queens, the dirtiest of leather daddies, the most enticing of twinkie boys, androgyny, overeating, public sex and the birth of “camp.”
I am offended! And yet, somehow, I long for a harder thrill! That’s why I’m posting the semi-lol but very filthy GOLDEN SHOWER GIRLS video after the jump. It’s SFW I guess, but I’d wear headphones.
*Actually a bunch of smart-aleck homos