Step Up star Alyson Stoner chose to undergo gay conversion therapy.The 27-year-old singer-and-actress who came out in 2018 felt “wretched” about her sexuality so decided to try the controversial treatment, only for it to send her “into a spiral” because of the things she was told.
“I felt stuck. I felt wretched. I felt like everything was wrong with me, even though I, in my heart of hearts, only desired to be a devoted follower of God…”
“To hear from people you trust, from people you respect, from people you might even aspire to become, that you at your core are ‘rotten,’ ‘abominable,’ that the devil has a target on your back because of your position in Hollywood…it just sends you into a spiral, at least for me, because I just wanted to do the right thing.”
The ‘Step Up’ actress admitted she still has nightmares about the “dangerous” therapy sessions.
She said: “My mind doesn’t want to even go there. My legs started shaking at the thought of reliving some of it.
“I know firsthand how dangerous it is for me as someone who had access to therapy and other forms of support. And I still was considering whether my life was worth living or, if everything was wrong with me, then what good was it for me to be around, starting to see myself as someone who only brought harm to other people to society.”
The actor says she isn’t even capable of going back to specifics of what happened to her there, as they are too traumatic.
“Even if someone comes out of it on the other side and says, ‘Hey, no, I’m living a great life,’ there are scars there. There are shadows. So yes, I’m not capable yet of going back and recounting specifics, which is an indicator of just how difficult that chapter was for me.”
Thanks for sharing your experience, Alyson. Hopefully, this will inspire more laws to be passed to protect people from going through similar.